Success is not supposed to break us

2026-03-09 - 23:58

By YINKA OLAITO There is a quiet crisis unfolding among young Nigerians, one that rarely makes headlines because it hides behind achievements, promotions, degrees and curated smiles. It is the crisis of burnout; the psychological exhaustion that comes not from failure, but paradoxically, from the relentless pursuit of success. In a recent conversation with mental health expert, Mrs. Oluwakemi Oyewole, a troubling pattern emerged: many young people are not collapsing under the weight of incompetence, but under the crushing burden of expectation. The modern success narrative, amplified by parents, institutions, workplaces, and social media, has become dangerously narrow. It celebrates outcomes while ignoring the human cost. We have, perhaps unintentionally, raised a generation to believe that success is urgent, visible, and externally validated. Money, titles, grades and applause have become the accepted metrics. Mental health, meanwhile, is treated as an afterthought, something to be managed after one has “made it”. This thinking is not only flawed; it is destructive. Ambition itself is not the enemy. Healthy ambition is one of the most powerful drivers of human progress. It is rooted in curiosity, growth and intrinsic motivation, the desire to improve, create, and contribute. But ambition becomes toxic when it is hijacked by fear, comparison, and the need to satisfy others’ definitions of worth. Across Nigeria, countless young people are trapped in lives designed by expectation rather than self-awareness. Degrees are chosen for prestige, not interest. Careers are pursued for approval, not alignment. Dreams are deferred to avoid disappointing family members. The emotional consequences are predictable: anxiety, identity confusion, chronic stress and eventually, burnout. One story shared during the discussion was particularly revealing: a young man pressured by his family to pursue a medical career despite personal limitations and differing interests. His eventual breakdown was not a mystery; it was the logical outcome of sustained psychological conflict. When external demands consistently silence internal realities, the mind eventually protests. Academic environments, too, have become breeding grounds for unhealthy pressure. Students are conditioned to equate grades with value and performance with identity. Excellence is rewarded; struggle is stigmatised. Yet, human capability is neither uniform nor linear. Different minds develop at different paces, possess different strengths, and flourish under different conditions. Ignoring this truth produces not excellence, but distress. Parents often act from love, but love expressed solely through pressure can backfire. A child constantly pushed toward comparison-driven achievement may internalise a dangerous belief: “I am only as valuable as my results.” This mindset does not produce resilience; it produces fragility masked as discipline. Beyond classrooms, career anxiety compounds the problem. Nigeria’s economic realities make financial stability a legitimate concern, yet survival-driven decision-making often traps young people in deeply misaligned professional paths. When work becomes a daily exercise in emotional resistance, burnout is not a possibility, it is inevitability. Adding fuel to this fire is social media — the most sophisticated comparison machine ever invented. Platforms built for connection have evolved into arenas of silent competition. Users are bombarded with images of curated success: luxury, milestones, celebrations, and highlight reels stripped of context. What remains invisible are the debts, doubts, struggles, and trade-offs behind those images. The psychological effect is profound. Constant exposure to others’ “best moments” distorts reality, creating the illusion that everyone else is moving faster, achieving more and living better. Feelings of inadequacy flourish not because individuals are failing, but because they are measuring their lives against incomplete narratives. Burnout, when it arrives, is rarely dramatic at first. It whispers before it screams. Persistent fatigue. Irritability. Emotional detachment. Loss of motivation. Sleep disruption. Many mistake these signals for laziness or weakness, further deepening the cycle of self-criticism and exhaustion. Yet, the solution is neither complicated nor revolutionary. It begins with redefining success. Mental well-being is not a luxury reserved for the “balanced few.” It is the psychological infrastructure upon which all sustainable success rests. Without it, achievement becomes fragile and costly. Rest must be normalised, not moralised. Sleep is biological maintenance, not indulgence. Breaks are productivity tools, not signs of unseriousness. Nutrition, physical activity, and emotional support systems are not lifestyle accessories; they are mental health stabilisers. Equally critical is self-awareness; the courage to distinguish personal aspirations from inherited expectations. Young people must be encouraged to ask uncomfortable but necessary questions: Whose dream am I pursuing? What genuinely motivates me? What kind of life is psychologically sustainable for me? Families, institutions, and workplaces must also evolve. A culture that glorifies exhaustion and equates overwork with dedication is not cultivating excellence; it is manufacturing breakdowns. Success, properly understood, should expand human possibility not diminish mental stability. A society that gains economic growth while losing psychological well-being is not progressing; it is eroding. The conversation we urgently need is not about how to push harder, but how to pursue growth without losing ourselves because success that costs one’s mental health is not success at all. It is merely survival dressed in applause. •Olaito, a journalist and inclusion advocate, wrote from Lagos.