Societal pressure and male children, by Francis Ewherido

2026-03-07 - 06:06

I watch the videos of MrBikeGlobal, a youtuber and a young man making impact on humanity. He drives around looking for people in need, everyday hardworking people and people who are battling against the odds to make a living. He seems to love people who are “hustling” and making efforts. He has supported many Nigerians through his philanthropy. He gives them money, helps them to establish retail businesses, helps families whose children have dropped out of school for economic reason to get back to school, etc. I am impressed with his philanthropic gestures and I have highlighted his good works previously. Today, I am back to MrBikeGlobal for his philanthropy. But his beneficiary said something that rubbed me the wrong way. MrBikeGlobal was on the road as usual when he saw a man selling snacks called gala. The man ran after vehicles with occupants who wanted to purchase gala in traffic with the usual determination of people selling in traffic. But the man had an extra determination. It was as if a force was pushing him. MrBikeGlobal beckoned on him. He bought one gala for N250 and paid for it. He asked him how much he makes in a day. He said he makes a profit of N4,000. MrBikeGlobal gave him N90,000, took the remaining snacks and distributed them to all the people around. MrBikeGlobal then took him to a supermarket and bought provisions and food items for his family. He took him and the items home where he met his family, a wife and four young children who were apparently born in quick succession. It looks like in the absence of television and other entertainment gadgets that keep people busy, the only recreation some married people with little income can afford is marital sex which is free. The children had dropped out of school because he could no longer pay their school fees of probably N10,000 per term for each of the three children. The fourth is a newborn. MrMikeGlobal mandated the wife to find out the school fees so that the children could return to school. Some parents with low income put their children in private schools. It beats my imagination. In many states with reasonable funding of public schools, the public schools are better than some private schools. The primary reason you send your children to school is to acquire knowledge. It’s not a status symbol. He told MrBikeMike that hitherto he had a provision store where he sold provisions and drugs. Then he did an “expensive wedding.” When he got back, the business went down because he poured all his money into the wedding. Is wedding a business, you are tempted to ask. A close shot of his face looks like someone in his 50s. Hardship and the over exposure to the African sun have a way of making people look older than their actual age. He is likely in his late 30s or early 40s. He should be within that range. The agility with which he ran after people who wanted to buy snacks and how jumped up and down after MrBikeGlobal gave him the first N50,000 give that impression. One thing that struck me as I watched the video was that the man was focused on meeting the three basic necessities of life – food, shelter and clothing – for his family. That was why he withdrew the children from school when he could not cope with the fees. The children wore good clothes by their standard. They also had a roof over their heads, a typical face-me-I-face-you building, though the exterior was not plastered. Having been involved in teaching and mentoring people preparing for marriage, I will give people coming behind the following advice. One, there is wedding and there is marriage. Wedding is the marriage ceremony and marriage is the institution of matrimony that commences after your wedding. Many people priortise their wedding over their marriage. That is what this man did. He spent all his money on his wedding and started his married life broke. One of the first articles I wrote when this column started about 12 years ago is “budget wedding.” In one sentence, cut your coat according to the available cloth and remember there is life after wedding. Two, MrBikeGlobal advised him not have more children. He responded that he didn’t even plan to have up to four children, but he was looking for the almighty male child because of “cultural pressure.” Incidentally, his fourth child is a boy. If not, he would probably have gone ahead a on breeding spree with his N4,000 daily income. Meanwhile, “cultural pressure” will not be there to support him financially. It is the prerogative of everybody to prefer a male or female child. I have no problems with that. But if you are obsessed with a particular sex, be deliberate to bring your choice to reality. Three, I advise all intending couples to agree on the number of children they want to have before marriage. My wife and I did. She wanted just three boys. I told her it’s not going to work because I wanted at least one daughter. I grew up in a family of eight boys, so yearned for a daughter. We settled for one girl and three boys. We had my daughter first, followed by the three boys; agreement fulfilled. Four, in marriage you don’t unilaterally shift the goal post. Thereafter, I yearned for a second daughter. I begged my wife for a while before she agreed and we had my second daughter. In the past, some of my friends wondered how we predetermined the sex of our five children. We simply did natural sex preselection. I have written articles on this a few times and even devoted a chapter of my book, Life Lessons from Mudipapa, to it. I won’t revisit the topic, but these are links of two past articles (Baby’s sex preselection: My story (1) – Vanguard News, Baby’s sex pre-selection:My story(2) – Vanguard News). Determining the sex of your baby is in your hands. Natural baby sex preselection is pure science – reproduction in biology – that we were taught in secondary school. Pure science is the same in Nigeria, Africa and all over the world. All you need to naturally determine the sex of your baby is knowledge and discipline. Personally, I really get pissed off with the obsession for male children. In those days, a couple desperately wanted a male child. The first nine children were girls. It was on the 10th trial that they got lucky. I guess they spoilt the boy when he was growing up because he became a terror. He tormented the parents so much and it contributed to their early death. So much for a male child. Some men premise their desperation on the need for someone to perpetuate the family name. Aliko Dangote has only three daughters, but that name will be perpetuated. Dangote Refinery, Dangote cement and the other Dangote companies, and the unborn Dangote Steel will perpetuate the Dangote name. Cadbury, Ford, Kalashnikov (AK47), Jacuzzi are names of people. It’s their legacies, not their sons, that are perpetuating their names. So it is for Dangote. The surest bet to perpetuate a family name is not male children but enduring legacies.