Mortal betrayal and hypocrisy in marriage, by Francis Ewherido

2026-03-27 - 23:13

Trust is one of the major legal tenders of marriage. Take away trust from marriage and what is left is carcass. Hypocrisy is another major drawback in marriage. Both can cripple a marriage like a pack of cards. I am a reality TV person. Recently, I have been watching one programme on Facebook, The Honour. Some of the episodes are cases of breach of trust and hypocrisy in marriages. In one episode, a man got married to a daughter of a man of God. There was no premarital sex in line with biblical and Christian injunctions. Fair enough, but after marriage, she kept flinging his hands away anytime he wanted to possess his possessions. But something happened that is instructive. The wife requested for a domestic staff. The husband didn’t see the need because they were only two, but the wife insisted and he obliged. I don’t know what aroused his suspicion, but he got The Honour involved. At the end, he caught the wife and the domestic staff in bed in a hotel. What pained me most was that she was denying her husband sex. Meanwhile, she was busy with her domestic staff (lesbian partner). My problem in this story is the morbid deceit and hypocrisy. If you are a lesbian, you have no business getting married. You can continue your lesbianism with your likes. I used to be critical of the LGBTQI+ community. My traditional beliefs remain firm and uniform, but I am less critical of how people decide to live their lives. So, being a lesbian is of no concern to me here. My problems are messing around with your husband’s feelings, time and emotions. The second episode is a young lady who went into a second marriage without disclosing to the new husband that she was married. The first husband had travelled to Ghana six months after marriage. He was away for some years to “hustle.” By the time he came back to Nigeria, the wife had remarried and moved on. I don’t know about other cultures, but in Urhobo/Isoko culture, a traditional marriage cannot be invalidated until the bride price is returned by the wife/family to the husband/family. That was not done and the woman’s mother, who was apparently the engineer is this mess, kept telling the first husband that he paid a small bride price and it would be returned. She apparently doesn’t get it. It is not the amount but the significance. I paid N55 bride price for my wife, but my wife cannot walk away from the marriage just because N55 is small money. Technically, the first guy remains the husband. Husband number two said they will resolve the matter. That’s where the video ended. I hope they do, but I have serious problems with morbid deceit. Yet another episode, a young man hired another man to impregnate his wife. He did and they had a child. Surprising, the husband got in touch with My Honour because he suspected that the wife was cheating. When they tracked the wife to a hotel, they saw her with a man. That was when the can of worms was opened. My Honour got to know that the husband actually hired this guy to help him impregnate the wife. Their secret is now open to the whole world. He is not the biological father of the boy. Even as the episode ended, you could see that this guy has set his own house on fire. I don’t know whether this is foolishness or HT (home trouble). There is another case, but not from My Honour. A brother and a sister in the church agreed to get married. They further agreed that there will be no premarital sex because they are “born-again” Christians. Wonderful. They had their wedding. Thereafter, the wife was looking forward to the consummation (the husband inserts his penis into the wife’s vagina and they engage in sexual intercourse before the marriage can be valid). The excuse on the first night after the wedding was that he was tired. As the days went by, the excuses continued until the wife drew the battle. Then the bombshell: He confessed to the wife that he was impotent. He then came up with a mumu (stupid) compromise that she could go and get sexual satisfaction outside but she should be “discreet.” Some guy! After this monumental deceit and hypocrisy, you have the guts to tell her have sex with other men but she should be discreet. Please clap for this genius. The wife has every right to end the marriage. Here, we are not talking about divorce. One, the marriage was based on deceit and falsehood that the guy was virile. Any marriage that is based on falsehood can be nullified at the instance of the deceived party. If a marriage is nullified, it is assumed that the marriage never took place because it was based on falsehood. Also, the marriage was not consummated because the man is impotent. I have thought about it; why would an impotent man go into marriage, knowing he cannot fulfil the basic duty of having sex with his wife. I don’t get it. You are not under compulsion to be married. You will be a subject of discussion on why you are not married. Ejayeta (let them talk). It’s more honourable to be real than to be hypocritical. The last case is very pathetic. The brother was one of the pious young men in the church. He was never involved in sexual immorality. He was a role model. Then he got married. After marriage, their sex life was zero. Then the truth came out. All this while, our pious brother was addicted to masturbation. By the time he got married, he could not have sex with his wife. He only got a kick from masturbation. Which woman, who abstained from premarital sex, will accept that crap? Please, the last three stories are not meant to discourage courting couples from abstaining from premarital sex. It’s there in Christianity and Islam. It’s unfortunate when people denigrate what is supposed to be noble. Being sexually active before marriage offers no guarantees. Ill-health, accidents and other factors have ruined sex lives after marriage. Some sexually active people before marriage are dealing with childlessness after marriage. The most frustrating cases are couples are medically okay, but the children just refused to come. For me, God is the ultimate, the last bus stop, not human efforts. Proverbs 19:14 says “Houses and wealth can be inherited from parents, but a good spouse comes from God Our topic today, “MORTAL BETRAYAL AND HYPOCRISY IN MARRIAGE,” features only extreme cases. There are trust issues in many marriages. There are deceit and hypocrisy. Spouses tell their other half that they are going to work and end up in the hotel with someone else. Some married people have permanent side chicks and toy boys, etc. There’s hypocrisy in most of us. When we say someone is a hypocrite, it simply means the person has an excessive dose of hypocrisy. It is just like calling someone a liar. Who has not told a lie before? But lying is a way of life for liars. That’s why we call them liars. It doesn’t mean we are saints.